I was reading up on an organization I was unfamiliar with and stumbled upon the term "faith-based" for what feels like the thousandth time in the last 6 months. Like every other time I read this term I became instantly weary and that seems odd since I consider myself to be a "person of faith." Maybe it is my Bible Belt upbringing, but when I hear that term I associate it with Christianity which isn't entirely fair to Christians since there are Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist,Jewish, and other faith based programs. Al-Queda describe their actions as "faith based" but they are hardly representative of the majority of Muslims, just like the "faith based" actions of Christian terrorists aren't representative of Christ. Christ never advocated shooting abortion doctors, blowing up gay clubs, or any other terrorist act but every time one of these folks gets caught they claim to be acting on their faith in God/Allah/Jehovah/Yahweh/etc. Obviously not all faith based programs are of this extreme variety but it leaves me wondering what "faith based" actually means and if it is really a useful term at all. To apply this to myself and the spiritual tradition I practice: The Buddha taught love, compassion, honesty, peace, selflessness, generosity, forgiveness, patience, integrity, wisdom, etc. So to be a person of faith should really mean to be a person of principle because these are universal principles that are found in all of the major (and most minor) spiritual traditions. The Buddha claimed no monopoly on these principles, neither did Jesus or the Prophet Mohammad or Brahma/Vishnu/Shiva/etc. So my faith in the Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha should inspire me to act in a manner in accordance with the principles Buddha proscribed. My actions should be "principle based" rather than "faith based." To look at this in a slightly different light, the word faith is easily used as a standard replacement for religion. For example: Followers of the Buddhist faith/religion believe in rebirth, karma, any number of deities, and lack an independently existing creator or god. You can read that sentence with either faith or religion and it makes sense, but try it with "principle" in the same place... It doesn't work. This leads me to think that if I am calling my actions "faith based" then there is a certain likelihood that I am not overly concerned with passing on the principles advocated by the figure whom my spiritual tradition is founded on so much as passing on my religion itself. This is not to say that religion as a synonym of faith cannot work in close proximity to faith; Mother Teresa was a deeply religious woman who acted on the principles of Christ's teaching. She didn't let her religious conviction of the Holy Trinity as a multi-faceted expression of a singular God stand in the way of feeding, clothing, and nursing to health thousands of Hindu children. Her religious faith convinced her of the application of principle as her highest priority. Her actions were "principle based" rather than "faith based." Because of this Mother Teresa is regard by many Catholics and non-Catholics as a saint. Now to back track a bit and examine those more extreme versions of "faith based" action such as the Christian and Muslim Crusades. How difficult is finding a justification to kill someone if your actions are based upon the principles of peace, kindness, love, etc? Pretty difficult to create a scenario where killing is an expression of love and kindness. How difficult is killing someone if your action is based on a sense of religious superiority? A glance through the history books or turning on the news should answer that fairly quickly. To take this point back to the original idea of calling an organization that seeks to help others in need a "faith based initiative" does it a great disservice in my opinion. If the goal of the organization is the conversion of people belonging to a heathen faith then "faith based" fits. It lets the rest of the world know where you stand. When an organization is acting on principle to help those who are in need regardless of their beliefs, when those organizations act with love for the sake love, we should call it "principle based" because that is what it is.
Apologies for the lack of paragraphs to space this out a bit, but as I wrote it it felt like a continious stream of the same idea and I tried to write it accordingly. This is meant only to be critical of the term "faith based" not the organizations that use the term. There are some wonderful groups working tirelessly to improve the lives of others, who base their actions entirely on the principles advocated by Jesus, Mohammad, Buddha, etc.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Overdue update and what is weighing on my heart
It has been quite a while since I posted anything on the blog so I figure I am overdue. My lack of entries has been the result of two specific causes. The most recent cause was the fact that the Cambodian government blocked several blog domains due to the criticism of the government from a few select bloggers. This left me unable to access my blog for a while and I didn't realize that I could access it now until about 5 minutes ago. The second reason I haven't posted much was simply because I am not sure what to say and what to keep to myself, so I try to err on the side of caution. This lead to a build up of unpublished drafts and a blog with no recent entries. Today I am throwing the second factor out the window because I just want to rant a little bit about some of the stuff spinning around in my heart and head.
Part of what has grabbed my attention in Cambodia has been the difficult role women are forced to play in Khmer society. There is a Khmer code of conduct for women known as Chbab Srey which specifically states that a woman should not hold herself to be her husbands equal, to always be quiet and shy, to keep herself hidden, not to laugh too loud, not to sleep with her back to her husband, etc. Women and men are often described through this axion "Men are like precious gems, if they are dropped into the dirt or mud they can easy be cleaned and restored to their original nature; women are like fine linen, if they are dropped into the dirt or mud they will forever be tarnished regardless of how hard they try to remove the stain." I remember hearing this when I first arrived in Cambodia and thinking "What a bunch of bullshit." Almost two years later and seeing how Chbab Srey actually functions in society I often find myself disgusted by what is seen as normal behavior by men in Cambodia. Not all men are guilty of this and I can say that I know a handful of men that to all appearances treat their wife as their equal. This is not the norm though. Many of the foreigners who arrive here adopt their own sick versions of Chbab Srey to justify their own exploitative desires, so it is not strictly a phenomenon relegated to Cambodian men. To clarify how this shows up in regular everyday life for young Khmer women, if a girl has a boyfriend before she is married and losses her virginity her prospects of marriage decrease and the stigma placed on her will follow her for years if not for a lifetime. her boyfriend however may be called a playboy or a gangster (a broad term here) but he really won't have any signifigant difficulties. Girls are taught to guard their virginity because without it they have little value and because of this the majority of Cambodian men have their first sexual encounter in a karaoke bar, brothel, or at another location with a sex worker. Others turn to the use of force because they know that having a consenting partner is difficult due to the risk a woman faces if her sexual activity is disclosed openly or even slightly questionable.
Part of what I do in my town is to distribute condoms at local karaoke bars and to provide education about HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted infections. Most of the young women that live or work in this places are so socially marginalized that they literally have no other option. They are largely deprived of education, sometimes lacking even the most basic education such as reading and writing Khmer, and have no marriage options because they lost their virginity to a boyfriend or had it taken by a rapist. Others have been tricked into sex work by traffickers that promised their families that the girls would be given jobs in a factory. Some are sold into the brothel or bar by an aunt, uncle, or acquaintance in order to make a few hundred dollars. The girl is expected to have sex with customers in order to pay off the debt that the bar owner took by purchasing her. These young women are at the absolute lowest rung of the social ladder in Cambodia and have very hope of escaping a life filled with violence, rape (usually more than once), and poverty. Other women in the community look down on these women, who are often still more girls than women, because they are no longer "pure" and they can never be made pure again. It is striking to hear a young woman who makes $10 a day (which is decent here) talk about a sex worker of the same age and describe her as "a bad girl who only wants to have a lot of money and likes to be with many men." The truth is that this is a lie the girl must tell herself because there is actually very little social cushioning to prevent her from being in the same situation. Walking in a rice field alone and being discovered by a man or group of men with hurtful intentions can not only leave her emotionally shattered and traumatized, but it can also be the symbolic piece of straw that breaks the camel's back. It goes unsaid but it is important to remember that it isn't any one action that leads to the life of quiet desperation sex workers live, just as it wasn't one piece of straw that broke the camel's back, it is the millions of other pieces of straw underneath it. Not all girls that lose their virginity before marriage end up as sex workers, neither do all the victims of rape. However, listening to the women that work in the sex industry reveals that almost all of them experienced a situation along these lines that left them "impure" or "stained" in the eyes of their society. Most of these young women were born poor to begin with, so they entered the world with a heavy burden to shoulder anyway. In a society where a male child is openly preferred to a female child and without enough money to escape the multiple burdens of poverty, these women are viewed as disposable once they no longer possess the redeeming quality of being a virgin. They have a social stigma, no education or trade, an empty stomach, and very often they are expected to make a financial contribution to their family. Where are they supposed to go in a society that considers it normal for a married man to go out drinking with his friends at a karaoke bar with his friends and sleep with one of the girls there. If his wife were to dress even slightly immodestly, she would "lose face" as well as her husband and she would likely face strong reprimand by her husband. For his infidelity, which is usually an ongoing occurrence, he probably won't hear a word from his wife or from anyone else simply because it was expected. When there exists a social mechanism that demands that a man be able to quench his sexual appetites while simultaneously demanding that women maintain a rigid sense of purity, it gives rise to a market that actively creates a disposable class who no longer have any purity to maintain and that can be used and discarded by men.
So where am I going with this? Where is the silver lining to this grey cloud? At this moment there isn't one. As I go about passing out condoms and talking about HIV, people think that I am quite odd. Even the women in the karaoke bars sometimes seem confused that I'm not there for sex since the man who hasn't had sex with a prostitute here is a rare find. There are organizations putting up a valiant fight to help these young women. Organizations like AFESIP, Action Pour Les Enfants, International Justice Mission, and others are dong all they can but it is only making the smallest of dents in what is a country wide (and region wide) problem. Through no fault of their own they are somewhat limited to trying to help the absolute worst cases of exploitation and due to funding and distance I have never seen them in my town, but I pass multiple karaoke bars filled with young women on a daily basis. The only organization I did run into was a small Cambodian run NGO that had me summoned to the local health center director's office out of concern that I would try to apply for their USAID funding. Once they heard that I am a volunteer and work for free and have no interest in their funding, I never heard from them again. Even when I asked them if I could volunteer for them and help them in any way, they said thanks but no thanks. Maybe they do great work, but I can tell you that when I am talking to karaoke bar owners or trying to teach basic English to the children of the sex workers I have never run into that NGO.
So this is where I am at; these young women need help. They need a future. Every piece of purity they have supposedly lost is totally intact. You can see it in their eyes and hear in their laughter during those moments when they realize that your not there to take anything from them, not there to hurt them, not there for sex, not there to throw another piece of straw on the camel's back. I'm no Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Dr. King or anyone else along those lines and I don't want to pretend to be. I'm not even particularly good at what I'm trying to do, but I can't look away. I can't pretend that I don't know that no one else is going to try to help the young women in the seven karaoke bars within a kilometer of my house. It has broken my heart and I'm glad it has. It is my prayer that this breaks your heart too. I hope it breaks so deeply that you can't look away and that you have to do something even if you don't know what to do. Call your Congressman, write him/her a letter, donate to an NGO fighting the exploitation of women and children, start an NGO for this, just do something.
Part of what has grabbed my attention in Cambodia has been the difficult role women are forced to play in Khmer society. There is a Khmer code of conduct for women known as Chbab Srey which specifically states that a woman should not hold herself to be her husbands equal, to always be quiet and shy, to keep herself hidden, not to laugh too loud, not to sleep with her back to her husband, etc. Women and men are often described through this axion "Men are like precious gems, if they are dropped into the dirt or mud they can easy be cleaned and restored to their original nature; women are like fine linen, if they are dropped into the dirt or mud they will forever be tarnished regardless of how hard they try to remove the stain." I remember hearing this when I first arrived in Cambodia and thinking "What a bunch of bullshit." Almost two years later and seeing how Chbab Srey actually functions in society I often find myself disgusted by what is seen as normal behavior by men in Cambodia. Not all men are guilty of this and I can say that I know a handful of men that to all appearances treat their wife as their equal. This is not the norm though. Many of the foreigners who arrive here adopt their own sick versions of Chbab Srey to justify their own exploitative desires, so it is not strictly a phenomenon relegated to Cambodian men. To clarify how this shows up in regular everyday life for young Khmer women, if a girl has a boyfriend before she is married and losses her virginity her prospects of marriage decrease and the stigma placed on her will follow her for years if not for a lifetime. her boyfriend however may be called a playboy or a gangster (a broad term here) but he really won't have any signifigant difficulties. Girls are taught to guard their virginity because without it they have little value and because of this the majority of Cambodian men have their first sexual encounter in a karaoke bar, brothel, or at another location with a sex worker. Others turn to the use of force because they know that having a consenting partner is difficult due to the risk a woman faces if her sexual activity is disclosed openly or even slightly questionable.
Part of what I do in my town is to distribute condoms at local karaoke bars and to provide education about HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted infections. Most of the young women that live or work in this places are so socially marginalized that they literally have no other option. They are largely deprived of education, sometimes lacking even the most basic education such as reading and writing Khmer, and have no marriage options because they lost their virginity to a boyfriend or had it taken by a rapist. Others have been tricked into sex work by traffickers that promised their families that the girls would be given jobs in a factory. Some are sold into the brothel or bar by an aunt, uncle, or acquaintance in order to make a few hundred dollars. The girl is expected to have sex with customers in order to pay off the debt that the bar owner took by purchasing her. These young women are at the absolute lowest rung of the social ladder in Cambodia and have very hope of escaping a life filled with violence, rape (usually more than once), and poverty. Other women in the community look down on these women, who are often still more girls than women, because they are no longer "pure" and they can never be made pure again. It is striking to hear a young woman who makes $10 a day (which is decent here) talk about a sex worker of the same age and describe her as "a bad girl who only wants to have a lot of money and likes to be with many men." The truth is that this is a lie the girl must tell herself because there is actually very little social cushioning to prevent her from being in the same situation. Walking in a rice field alone and being discovered by a man or group of men with hurtful intentions can not only leave her emotionally shattered and traumatized, but it can also be the symbolic piece of straw that breaks the camel's back. It goes unsaid but it is important to remember that it isn't any one action that leads to the life of quiet desperation sex workers live, just as it wasn't one piece of straw that broke the camel's back, it is the millions of other pieces of straw underneath it. Not all girls that lose their virginity before marriage end up as sex workers, neither do all the victims of rape. However, listening to the women that work in the sex industry reveals that almost all of them experienced a situation along these lines that left them "impure" or "stained" in the eyes of their society. Most of these young women were born poor to begin with, so they entered the world with a heavy burden to shoulder anyway. In a society where a male child is openly preferred to a female child and without enough money to escape the multiple burdens of poverty, these women are viewed as disposable once they no longer possess the redeeming quality of being a virgin. They have a social stigma, no education or trade, an empty stomach, and very often they are expected to make a financial contribution to their family. Where are they supposed to go in a society that considers it normal for a married man to go out drinking with his friends at a karaoke bar with his friends and sleep with one of the girls there. If his wife were to dress even slightly immodestly, she would "lose face" as well as her husband and she would likely face strong reprimand by her husband. For his infidelity, which is usually an ongoing occurrence, he probably won't hear a word from his wife or from anyone else simply because it was expected. When there exists a social mechanism that demands that a man be able to quench his sexual appetites while simultaneously demanding that women maintain a rigid sense of purity, it gives rise to a market that actively creates a disposable class who no longer have any purity to maintain and that can be used and discarded by men.
So where am I going with this? Where is the silver lining to this grey cloud? At this moment there isn't one. As I go about passing out condoms and talking about HIV, people think that I am quite odd. Even the women in the karaoke bars sometimes seem confused that I'm not there for sex since the man who hasn't had sex with a prostitute here is a rare find. There are organizations putting up a valiant fight to help these young women. Organizations like AFESIP, Action Pour Les Enfants, International Justice Mission, and others are dong all they can but it is only making the smallest of dents in what is a country wide (and region wide) problem. Through no fault of their own they are somewhat limited to trying to help the absolute worst cases of exploitation and due to funding and distance I have never seen them in my town, but I pass multiple karaoke bars filled with young women on a daily basis. The only organization I did run into was a small Cambodian run NGO that had me summoned to the local health center director's office out of concern that I would try to apply for their USAID funding. Once they heard that I am a volunteer and work for free and have no interest in their funding, I never heard from them again. Even when I asked them if I could volunteer for them and help them in any way, they said thanks but no thanks. Maybe they do great work, but I can tell you that when I am talking to karaoke bar owners or trying to teach basic English to the children of the sex workers I have never run into that NGO.
So this is where I am at; these young women need help. They need a future. Every piece of purity they have supposedly lost is totally intact. You can see it in their eyes and hear in their laughter during those moments when they realize that your not there to take anything from them, not there to hurt them, not there for sex, not there to throw another piece of straw on the camel's back. I'm no Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Dr. King or anyone else along those lines and I don't want to pretend to be. I'm not even particularly good at what I'm trying to do, but I can't look away. I can't pretend that I don't know that no one else is going to try to help the young women in the seven karaoke bars within a kilometer of my house. It has broken my heart and I'm glad it has. It is my prayer that this breaks your heart too. I hope it breaks so deeply that you can't look away and that you have to do something even if you don't know what to do. Call your Congressman, write him/her a letter, donate to an NGO fighting the exploitation of women and children, start an NGO for this, just do something.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Writing from a while back
Theory of Relativity
we have a second to birth, breathe, feel, think, love, die
in every moment I have felt as if I knew everyone before we met
since the first goodbye impermanence and death have held my hand consciously
there is an order to the dyed particles of the karmic kaleidoscope which escapes each viewer
can’t stand still; can’t move
the lens has been lifted towards the sun so we assign our own meaning to the fractured light
the millisecond of childhood is the closest we come to understanding
we have a second to birth, breathe, feel, think, love, die
in every moment I have felt as if I knew everyone before we met
since the first goodbye impermanence and death have held my hand consciously
there is an order to the dyed particles of the karmic kaleidoscope which escapes each viewer
can’t stand still; can’t move
the lens has been lifted towards the sun so we assign our own meaning to the fractured light
the millisecond of childhood is the closest we come to understanding
Friday, July 23, 2010
Some of my favorite quotes
This is a somewhat random collection of quotes that inspire me or echo something within. Hope they bring as much delight to the reader as they have brought me.
“To be nobody but yourself in a world that's doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting.”
E. E. Cummings
“Unless you love someone, nothing else makes any sense.”
E. E. Cummings
“Throughout history, it has been the inaction of those who could have acted; the indifference of those who should have known better; the silence of the voice of justice when it mattered most; that has made it possible for evil to triumph.”
Haile Selassie
“We live in illusion and the appearance of things. There is a reality. We are that reality. When you understand this, you see that you are nothing, and being nothing, you are everything. That is all.”
Kalu Rinpoche
“Looking for peace is like looking for a turtle with a mustache: You won't be able to find it. But when your heart is ready, peace will come looking for you.”
Ajahn Chah
“Open your eyes, look within. Are you satisfied with the life you're living?”
Bob Marley
“Remember, remember always that all of us, and you and I especially, are descended from immigrants and revolutionists”
Franklin D. Roosevelt
“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.”
Jimi Hendrix
“We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”
Albert Einstein
“It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.”
Albert Einstein
“Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts.”
Albert Einstein
“You're not supposed to be so blind with patriotism that you can't face reality. Wrong is wrong, no matter who says it.”
Malcolm X
“I'm for truth, no matter who tells it. I'm for justice, no matter who it's for or against.”
Malcolm X
“If you're not ready to die for it, put the word ''freedom'' out of your vocabulary.”
Malcolm X
“Workers of the world unite; you have nothing to lose but your chains.”
Karl Marx
“I am not a Hindu,
Nor a Muslim am I!
I am this body, a play
Of five elements; a drama
Of the spirit dancing
With joy and sorrow.”
Kabir
“It is the mind that makes the body.”
Sojourner Truth
“To be nobody but yourself in a world that's doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting.”
E. E. Cummings
“Unless you love someone, nothing else makes any sense.”
E. E. Cummings
“Throughout history, it has been the inaction of those who could have acted; the indifference of those who should have known better; the silence of the voice of justice when it mattered most; that has made it possible for evil to triumph.”
Haile Selassie
“We live in illusion and the appearance of things. There is a reality. We are that reality. When you understand this, you see that you are nothing, and being nothing, you are everything. That is all.”
Kalu Rinpoche
“Looking for peace is like looking for a turtle with a mustache: You won't be able to find it. But when your heart is ready, peace will come looking for you.”
Ajahn Chah
“Open your eyes, look within. Are you satisfied with the life you're living?”
Bob Marley
“Remember, remember always that all of us, and you and I especially, are descended from immigrants and revolutionists”
Franklin D. Roosevelt
“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.”
Jimi Hendrix
“We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”
Albert Einstein
“It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.”
Albert Einstein
“Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts.”
Albert Einstein
“You're not supposed to be so blind with patriotism that you can't face reality. Wrong is wrong, no matter who says it.”
Malcolm X
“I'm for truth, no matter who tells it. I'm for justice, no matter who it's for or against.”
Malcolm X
“If you're not ready to die for it, put the word ''freedom'' out of your vocabulary.”
Malcolm X
“Workers of the world unite; you have nothing to lose but your chains.”
Karl Marx
“I am not a Hindu,
Nor a Muslim am I!
I am this body, a play
Of five elements; a drama
Of the spirit dancing
With joy and sorrow.”
Kabir
“It is the mind that makes the body.”
Sojourner Truth
Thursday, July 22, 2010
One year in Cambodia
Time has flown by and though it seems somewhat unreal to me, I have now been living in Cambodia for one year. From the first few months of living in Traing district, Takeo province without electricity or indoor plumbing to my current home in Maung Russey district, Battambang province it has been an interesting experience so far. Whether it is something as simple as greeting someone new or more complex normative social beliefs, Cambodia is certainly very different from everything I was accustomed to in Augusta, Georgia. As a new group of Peace Corps Volunteers enters the country this week I am struck by the fact that things that once seemed strange and foreign to my Western mind now seem ordinary and everyday.
There is little Western context for some of the discussions I have had here on a fairly regular basis. For example it is common to be asked if you believe in ghosts. At first this may seem to be a childish question that offers little insight into the people as a collective, but as time progresses the fallacy of this first impression becomes apparent. In a country thirty one years removed from a genocide that claimed the lives of millions there is a certain inexpressible something that lingers in the atmosphere of Cambodia. Most commonly I am asked about ghosts by teenagers who were born after the genocide and saw limited amounts of the civil war that followed the Khmer Rouge's forced evacuation of Phnom Penh. These teenagers have hears the stories of family members and know of many of the atrocities that occurred, yet in they seem to have a certain amount of disbelief as if they don't believe that their fellow countrymen are/were capable of such things. In Takeo I was told that I lived down the street from a unmarked mass grave and the belief in ghosts was fairly high I gathered from the limited conversations I had with the people around me. As time has passed I have set aside the horror movie idea of ghosts for one that I find far more real and frightening. From hearing what I thought was initially a silly question, I have come to believe that there are ghosts throughout Cambodia. These ghosts are the unresolved traumas of a people that have seen and experienced too much; these ghosts inhabit every aspect of the alcoholic men forced to watch their family members killed or starved to death when they were ten years old. Ghosts torment the mothers who have been told that the only way to survive is to remain quiet and subservient in their daily lives. These ghosts feed on the suffering of the young women pushed into prostitution because of economic desperation; the young men who rape and abuse these women are haunted by the same ghosts that have made them unable or unwilling to see their own inhumanity and hatred. The common image of ghosts here is a disembodied head that is in search of a body to feed upon and the reality is just that; the great suffering to which everyone above the age of thirty was forced to endure still inhabits the minds of most in one way or another and seeks peace in the only way it knows, more destruction of self and others. Pchum Ben is the holiday in which the people make offerings to the ghosts of their ancestors and believe that they can ease any suffering of their ancestors in the process. No other Theravada Buddhist country celebrates this day, but in a land of ghosts, disembodied spirits of suffering and pain, it makes sense. While last year I simply observed the holiday as an outsider, this year I will make offerings for those ghosts haunting the living and the dead.
The ideas of material gain and success that I grew up thinking were the norm for every society have been proven false from my perspective. In a malnutrition and preventable illness kill many people every year, I see no value in having a big home, SUV, and televisions in every room. These things aren't bad nor are the people that want these things, but for me they are ways we use to escape the suffering of the rest of the world around us. For example, I don't have to think about the homeless man sleeping outside the local church when I am watching American Idol. Even now I feel that I am too far removed from all the pain around me. The true value of expensive clothing is not lost on me when I know that a pair of jeans in America could easily feed a Cambodian family for a week. Is looking nice more important than their hunger? This is what I ask myself and even now living on a volunteer allowance (far from a salary) I find myself feeling guilty for too much self indulgence when those near me are struggling to have just enough. There is a pronounced difference between the "have's" and the "have not's" in Cambodia and I have no interest in becoming part of the former if it means denying the latter. Too often this is what the price of "success" is and I now hope for something different. In reference to the ghosts of the last paragraph, it seems clear to me that seeking my own material gain while denying assistance to those with little or nothing is inhumane and continues the feeding cycle of those rapacious spirits.
Certainly I have noticed far more changes in myself and differences between life in my childhood home and now in Cambodia, but at the moment they hardly feel worth mentioning. The most important aspects of my experience in Cambodia are inadequately worded in the last two paragraphs and I don't have any desire to lessen or cheapen those observations with some of the more obvious differences. It may seem corny to some, I know I would have thought of it that way at another point in my life, but I find myself always adding "Peace and love" when ever I am communicating with anyone via the internet; this has a distinct reason. That is what is needed here and by "here" I mean in Cambodia, America, all over the world, within yourself, and within me. Everything that is truly beneficial to others and ourselves flows from peace and love and until we have these in abundance we will all be haunted by our own ghosts to varying degrees.
There is little Western context for some of the discussions I have had here on a fairly regular basis. For example it is common to be asked if you believe in ghosts. At first this may seem to be a childish question that offers little insight into the people as a collective, but as time progresses the fallacy of this first impression becomes apparent. In a country thirty one years removed from a genocide that claimed the lives of millions there is a certain inexpressible something that lingers in the atmosphere of Cambodia. Most commonly I am asked about ghosts by teenagers who were born after the genocide and saw limited amounts of the civil war that followed the Khmer Rouge's forced evacuation of Phnom Penh. These teenagers have hears the stories of family members and know of many of the atrocities that occurred, yet in they seem to have a certain amount of disbelief as if they don't believe that their fellow countrymen are/were capable of such things. In Takeo I was told that I lived down the street from a unmarked mass grave and the belief in ghosts was fairly high I gathered from the limited conversations I had with the people around me. As time has passed I have set aside the horror movie idea of ghosts for one that I find far more real and frightening. From hearing what I thought was initially a silly question, I have come to believe that there are ghosts throughout Cambodia. These ghosts are the unresolved traumas of a people that have seen and experienced too much; these ghosts inhabit every aspect of the alcoholic men forced to watch their family members killed or starved to death when they were ten years old. Ghosts torment the mothers who have been told that the only way to survive is to remain quiet and subservient in their daily lives. These ghosts feed on the suffering of the young women pushed into prostitution because of economic desperation; the young men who rape and abuse these women are haunted by the same ghosts that have made them unable or unwilling to see their own inhumanity and hatred. The common image of ghosts here is a disembodied head that is in search of a body to feed upon and the reality is just that; the great suffering to which everyone above the age of thirty was forced to endure still inhabits the minds of most in one way or another and seeks peace in the only way it knows, more destruction of self and others. Pchum Ben is the holiday in which the people make offerings to the ghosts of their ancestors and believe that they can ease any suffering of their ancestors in the process. No other Theravada Buddhist country celebrates this day, but in a land of ghosts, disembodied spirits of suffering and pain, it makes sense. While last year I simply observed the holiday as an outsider, this year I will make offerings for those ghosts haunting the living and the dead.
The ideas of material gain and success that I grew up thinking were the norm for every society have been proven false from my perspective. In a malnutrition and preventable illness kill many people every year, I see no value in having a big home, SUV, and televisions in every room. These things aren't bad nor are the people that want these things, but for me they are ways we use to escape the suffering of the rest of the world around us. For example, I don't have to think about the homeless man sleeping outside the local church when I am watching American Idol. Even now I feel that I am too far removed from all the pain around me. The true value of expensive clothing is not lost on me when I know that a pair of jeans in America could easily feed a Cambodian family for a week. Is looking nice more important than their hunger? This is what I ask myself and even now living on a volunteer allowance (far from a salary) I find myself feeling guilty for too much self indulgence when those near me are struggling to have just enough. There is a pronounced difference between the "have's" and the "have not's" in Cambodia and I have no interest in becoming part of the former if it means denying the latter. Too often this is what the price of "success" is and I now hope for something different. In reference to the ghosts of the last paragraph, it seems clear to me that seeking my own material gain while denying assistance to those with little or nothing is inhumane and continues the feeding cycle of those rapacious spirits.
Certainly I have noticed far more changes in myself and differences between life in my childhood home and now in Cambodia, but at the moment they hardly feel worth mentioning. The most important aspects of my experience in Cambodia are inadequately worded in the last two paragraphs and I don't have any desire to lessen or cheapen those observations with some of the more obvious differences. It may seem corny to some, I know I would have thought of it that way at another point in my life, but I find myself always adding "Peace and love" when ever I am communicating with anyone via the internet; this has a distinct reason. That is what is needed here and by "here" I mean in Cambodia, America, all over the world, within yourself, and within me. Everything that is truly beneficial to others and ourselves flows from peace and love and until we have these in abundance we will all be haunted by our own ghosts to varying degrees.
Friday, July 2, 2010
New collection of thoughts in the form of a poem...
I forgot my story
In the sight of you
there was a space in time where I forgot myself;
all the stories of who I am, what I want/need/like/believe,
all conception of class, race, ethnicity, gender, sexual preferences, political affiliation
all fears and hopes, fantasy and fact,
fell away instantaneously in that moment.
Without identity, the only thing left breathing was an agonizing love,
a cellular wailing
that fully recognized the tears of my brothers and sisters as my own.
In the face of famine our spirit starves,
in genocide dies,
in homelessness is without refuge,
in exploitation is raped and beaten,
in poverty is without resource,
in prejudice is hated and unwanted.
In the sight of your face, in that moment,
all truth was made known and I rejoiced from soles to soul,
complete in the reality that my soul and your soul was our soul…
In the sight of you
there was a space in time where I forgot myself;
all the stories of who I am, what I want/need/like/believe,
all conception of class, race, ethnicity, gender, sexual preferences, political affiliation
all fears and hopes, fantasy and fact,
fell away instantaneously in that moment.
Without identity, the only thing left breathing was an agonizing love,
a cellular wailing
that fully recognized the tears of my brothers and sisters as my own.
In the face of famine our spirit starves,
in genocide dies,
in homelessness is without refuge,
in exploitation is raped and beaten,
in poverty is without resource,
in prejudice is hated and unwanted.
In the sight of your face, in that moment,
all truth was made known and I rejoiced from soles to soul,
complete in the reality that my soul and your soul was our soul…
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Life's thank you list...
Too often in life I feel like I take for granted those aspects of my life that I value. Over the years my life has been altered for the better by many many individuals and this is a short list of people to whom I am immensely grateful for their contribution to my life. Many of these people probably have no idea how much they have benefited me. Some of them I don't even know particularly well, but they have aided me none the less. I have never met a few of the people listed but I have found so much meaning in their lives that I feel compelled to mention them. Here is a brief and far from exhaustive thank you list for those people who have impacted my life and how their influence has shaped me. (I am omitting family members, simply because I have a relatively large family for whom no amount of praise is enough. My focus here is to thank those who may be unaware of how grateful I am, whereas hopefully my family members know that they are a major source of blessing and inspiration in my life.) So here we go...
Mrs. McBurney and a few other teachers- one of many elementary and junior high school teachers who had endless patience and needed discipline for me. I can clearly hear her say to me "Philip, your actions thunder so loudly that I can not hear what you say." I am thankful that she taught me that it is my actions that tell the world who I am and not the words coming out of my mouth. By extension, she taught me that living my gratitude is not the same as saying that I am grateful. She and several other teachers planted seeds of an ethical/moral/spiritual nature throughout my youth that took many years to grow in the infertile land of my childhood stubbornness. As a teacher in Cambodia now, I can only hope to be a small fraction as effective as these teachers were.
Hanson Carter and family (and an extended cast of characters)- for spending countless hours with me when I was quite lost in the world. Always kind and open they taught me about loving people as they are with little to no expectations placed upon them. They played an instrumental part in removing a lot of the hindrances in my spiritual life. Their actions remind me that there is a big difference between calling myself Buddhist and acting with the love and compassion that the Buddha did. Their faith in Jesus showed me that the label of my faith is not nearly as important as actually living the message of love.
Dr. Micheal Schwartz- for continually pushing me to challenge my assumptions and beliefs. For handing me the hammer that broke down a lot of mental barriers to growth.For teaching the truths that don't always feel good to hear and showing me that it isn't necessary to run from those truths.
Dr. Alan Scarboro- for letting me continually sharpen my small ideas of society through discussion and debate. No matter how many arguments of mine he disproved, I always walked away from classes feeling like I had really learned something bigger.The way he taught social stratification and allowed me to debate it still shapes how I view much of the world around me. The way he presented labor movements and class discrimination reminds me that I am a part of the global community and therefore have an active role to play in challenging the accepted norms of injustice and inequality. I can remember him saying "We don't bring down the pillars of injustice all at once, we chip away at them over time." (paraphrased, because the way he said it sounded cooler)
Leesa,Betsy, Bryan, Henry, Owen, Jeff, Melanie, Kristin, John and countless other friends- for embracing the quirky ideas and beliefs I tend to have and celebrating those aspects of who I am that are often misunderstood. For pushing to improve themselves and encouraging me to do the same. For being themselves unabashedly and (seemingly) unafraid, doing their best to be true to themselves.
Gilbert- for helping me to find my way to where I am now one step at a time. Always willing to tell me the truth no matter how much I disagree. For teaching me to do the hard stuff.
Lama Surya Das, Khen Rinpoche, Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche, Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche, the monks of Wat Santidham, and countless other teachers- for teaching how to be a Buddha rather than a Buddhist. For having a seemingly inexhaustible wealth of wisdom, compassion, love, and equanimity and assuring me that I can too if I do the work.
H.H. the 14th Dalai Lama and H.H. the 17th Karmapa- for being beyond words. You bring peace and hope in the midst of seeming despair. For being selfless in a selfish time.
Corey- for always being able to help me laugh at my mistakes and forgiving my arrogance. Your friendship has made some of my best times better and some of my worst times more bearable. For always being my closest friend no matter what disagreements we may have or being separated by thousands of miles.
Rodney- for teaching me to view spirituality through a different lens that embraces rather than differentiates. For helping me learn that I have not/will not "arrive" or "get there" and stopping is not a real option. For helping clarify my vision enough that even when I try to walk away from it I cannot.
Andy and Patrick- for showing me a picture of myself in many ways. For helping me to believe that I can make a difference and providing me with a reason to continue to put forth an effort.
Malcolm X- after years of teaching racial segregation he had the humility and integrity to say he was wrong in front of a global audience after making the Hajj to Mecca. This teaches me that fighting injustice in the world in a meaningful way requires a deep commitment to honesty, integrity, and humility.
Nameless ex-girlfriends- for allowing me to learn what commitment and partnership is supposed to be about and for having the wisdom to let me know when I was quite obviously missing the point. I am a better man because of your unwillingness to put up with some of my boyish ways.
All the PCV's in Cambodia- for seeing many aspects of life far more clearly than I do and allowing me to benefit from your vision and service.For sharing an experience that would be quite lonely without your friendship.
So many friends and acquaintances over the years- for allowing me to learn through your example and the opportunity to share in your joy and sorrow.
This list is sooooo far from being complete that it is only reflects a fraction of those people to whom I am grateful. If you have taken the time to read this list I owe you a debt of gratitude simply because you have allowed me have a voice. If you didn't read this list, I find a sense of gratitude for reminding me that I am not special or unique; I am one among many.
Mrs. McBurney and a few other teachers- one of many elementary and junior high school teachers who had endless patience and needed discipline for me. I can clearly hear her say to me "Philip, your actions thunder so loudly that I can not hear what you say." I am thankful that she taught me that it is my actions that tell the world who I am and not the words coming out of my mouth. By extension, she taught me that living my gratitude is not the same as saying that I am grateful. She and several other teachers planted seeds of an ethical/moral/spiritual nature throughout my youth that took many years to grow in the infertile land of my childhood stubbornness. As a teacher in Cambodia now, I can only hope to be a small fraction as effective as these teachers were.
Hanson Carter and family (and an extended cast of characters)- for spending countless hours with me when I was quite lost in the world. Always kind and open they taught me about loving people as they are with little to no expectations placed upon them. They played an instrumental part in removing a lot of the hindrances in my spiritual life. Their actions remind me that there is a big difference between calling myself Buddhist and acting with the love and compassion that the Buddha did. Their faith in Jesus showed me that the label of my faith is not nearly as important as actually living the message of love.
Dr. Micheal Schwartz- for continually pushing me to challenge my assumptions and beliefs. For handing me the hammer that broke down a lot of mental barriers to growth.For teaching the truths that don't always feel good to hear and showing me that it isn't necessary to run from those truths.
Dr. Alan Scarboro- for letting me continually sharpen my small ideas of society through discussion and debate. No matter how many arguments of mine he disproved, I always walked away from classes feeling like I had really learned something bigger.The way he taught social stratification and allowed me to debate it still shapes how I view much of the world around me. The way he presented labor movements and class discrimination reminds me that I am a part of the global community and therefore have an active role to play in challenging the accepted norms of injustice and inequality. I can remember him saying "We don't bring down the pillars of injustice all at once, we chip away at them over time." (paraphrased, because the way he said it sounded cooler)
Leesa,Betsy, Bryan, Henry, Owen, Jeff, Melanie, Kristin, John and countless other friends- for embracing the quirky ideas and beliefs I tend to have and celebrating those aspects of who I am that are often misunderstood. For pushing to improve themselves and encouraging me to do the same. For being themselves unabashedly and (seemingly) unafraid, doing their best to be true to themselves.
Gilbert- for helping me to find my way to where I am now one step at a time. Always willing to tell me the truth no matter how much I disagree. For teaching me to do the hard stuff.
Lama Surya Das, Khen Rinpoche, Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche, Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche, the monks of Wat Santidham, and countless other teachers- for teaching how to be a Buddha rather than a Buddhist. For having a seemingly inexhaustible wealth of wisdom, compassion, love, and equanimity and assuring me that I can too if I do the work.
H.H. the 14th Dalai Lama and H.H. the 17th Karmapa- for being beyond words. You bring peace and hope in the midst of seeming despair. For being selfless in a selfish time.
Corey- for always being able to help me laugh at my mistakes and forgiving my arrogance. Your friendship has made some of my best times better and some of my worst times more bearable. For always being my closest friend no matter what disagreements we may have or being separated by thousands of miles.
Rodney- for teaching me to view spirituality through a different lens that embraces rather than differentiates. For helping me learn that I have not/will not "arrive" or "get there" and stopping is not a real option. For helping clarify my vision enough that even when I try to walk away from it I cannot.
Andy and Patrick- for showing me a picture of myself in many ways. For helping me to believe that I can make a difference and providing me with a reason to continue to put forth an effort.
Malcolm X- after years of teaching racial segregation he had the humility and integrity to say he was wrong in front of a global audience after making the Hajj to Mecca. This teaches me that fighting injustice in the world in a meaningful way requires a deep commitment to honesty, integrity, and humility.
Nameless ex-girlfriends- for allowing me to learn what commitment and partnership is supposed to be about and for having the wisdom to let me know when I was quite obviously missing the point. I am a better man because of your unwillingness to put up with some of my boyish ways.
All the PCV's in Cambodia- for seeing many aspects of life far more clearly than I do and allowing me to benefit from your vision and service.For sharing an experience that would be quite lonely without your friendship.
So many friends and acquaintances over the years- for allowing me to learn through your example and the opportunity to share in your joy and sorrow.
This list is sooooo far from being complete that it is only reflects a fraction of those people to whom I am grateful. If you have taken the time to read this list I owe you a debt of gratitude simply because you have allowed me have a voice. If you didn't read this list, I find a sense of gratitude for reminding me that I am not special or unique; I am one among many.
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